i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
