I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
