Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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