Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
