She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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