You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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