I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
