Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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