Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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