im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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