I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
