Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize