we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
