Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize