You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
