dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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