He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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