Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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