I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
