dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
