we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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