i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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