I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
