He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
