a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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