Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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