foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
