we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
