The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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