saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize