i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
