Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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