just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
