Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your cock deserves a montage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
