drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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