Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
