I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
