i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"