I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
