i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
