Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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