You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
