you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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