Where did you get a picture of my penis
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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