Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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