When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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