Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
