I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
