you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
