We're facebook friends in real life
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
