Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
