just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
