When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
