Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
