A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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