I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
