I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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