I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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