Nicole vs. Life
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
