found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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