new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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