Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
