when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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