Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
