If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
