I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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