take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
