That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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