I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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