I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
