Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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