We're facebook friends in real life
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
