i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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