STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need moral support for this bender
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
