I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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