omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish there were birth control emojis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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