How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
