If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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